With the sexual harassment fuddy-duddies trying to ruin everyone’s fun, librarians are forced to get creative with library-related innuendos for their explicit workplace small talk. Some examples:
- I’ve got something he can check out!
- May I pull your call slip?
- I’d like to cite that in the bibliography.
- I think his index is cross-referenced.
- I think she’s got a little mildew in her special collections.
Ask the readers: Got any other library innuendos you’d like to share? Use the comments section below.
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31 comments:
The best innuendos don't sound like innuendos, such as "I’d like to cite that in the bibliography."
I don't know, Toni--I generally agree, but I thought "a little mildew in her special collections" was brilliant.
"I'd take him to the stacks" has come in handy a couple of times.
I have the "Librarians do it quietly" shirt though it's not necessarily true. :)
"She's a few leaves short of a folio."
"You'll find him shelved at HQ450"
"How's his bib record"
This can only be used after a trip to the stacks, "That was long overdue!"
I would like to scan her barcode :-)
"I'm sure the item in question will come soon if you'll place it on hold"
Or not.
"I think that fits under Ranganathan's apocryphal sixth law."
I'd like to catalogue her dewey decimal system
You have some fines you need to pay.
"excuse me, could you suggest me a satisfying edition of the kamasutra?"
"I'd like to request THAT"
"What do you think his 300 field is - about 23 cm.?"
Can I interest you in some Longfellow or Cummings?
Not original but worst I've ever had:
Do you work in a library? Because you just increased my circulation!
I'd like to shelve her in the stacks.
And right down here are my Special Collections.
Do you mind if I query your database?
This is where I do all my reference consultations.
Would you like to consult my abstracts?
I'd like to get a couple volumes of that on interlibrary loan.
Do you offer unlimited renewals?
I'd FRBRize that!
This is going to sound gross, but in my old library system we had a certain term, but you had to be careful or else you might make the mistake of saying this:
"He/She needs to be discharged."
God I love "You'll find him shelved at HQ450"! I've heard a similar conversation with 613 or 618 (I think it was) in dewey. Just looked up a catalogue (go web opacs), try using 613.96!
"Archivists can make it last longer."
(off an SAA bumper sticker)
"Might I recommend some Moorcock or some Lovecraft?"
Hey, allow me to resensitize that...
"Librarians do it by the book."
"Cataloguers do it with authority control."
and depending what you're into...
"Anyone up for a little 306.775?"
"You can have it in any format you choose."
"Dewey you come here often?"
"I miss the days when I could have stamped your slip and slipped a card in your pocket."
"Trust me, we're full service here in Adult Services."
"We even offer drive-thru service."
mmmm, your decimals are SOOOooo dewey!
I'd like to unlock her DVD case.
"This number isn't in the Dewey Decimal system, but feel free to "check" me out when you'd like" ;)
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