Harassment, Avoiding

It is never appropriate to call a fellow librarian a "pussy." Even if he does wear bow ties to work.

Clothing, Matching your coworkers'

If you and another library colleague arrive at work wearing remarkably similar outfits, you both automatically qualify for a one-time $500 wardrobe bonus and a paid "shopping day."

Editor's note: To claim this offer, just print this page and give it to your immediate library supervisor.

Sweater vests, Politicizing

The American Library Association's Office for Intellectual Freedom is organizing Sweater Vest Sunday at the Midwinter meeting to raise awareness about challenges to intellectual freedom. Conference attendees are encouraged to wear sweater vests to champion citizens' freedom to read. If you do not have a sweater vest, it is perfectly acceptable to fashion one by ripping neck and arm holes into a conference tote bag.

Dress, Professional

A librarian should always dress professionally. Use this great Web tool to help you match your sandals to your cardigan.

Code, Breaking the

A librarian who wishes to show his/her rebellious side may choose to do so by subverting the library’s employee dress code. Go crazy and wear your garden Crocs at the reference desk instead of your dress Crocs.

Ask the readers: How do you push the limits of your library's dress code?

Hats, Wearing

A polite librarian should never wear a hat at the reference desk... unless you plan to subtly make it an essential element of your reference interview technique.

Glamorous, Being

A polite librarian should resist any attempts at glamor or fashion and refrain from wearing meat dresses at the reference desk. A cardigan covered with Greek yogurt and cat hair is adequately fashionable.

Sweaters, Holiday

A good librarian should have enough appliqued holiday sweaters so that he or she can wear a different one each day from Thanksgiving to Christmas.  If you wear the same Rudolph sweater over and over, you may inadvertently subject your library coworkers to the condition known as festive fleece fatigue.

Shoes, Wearing sensible

A good librarian should always wear sensible shoes.  Be aware though, that sometimes the most sensible choice is a pair of six-inch spiked heels that can be wielded as weapons against obnoxious library patrons or coworkers.

Schlepping, Stylishly

A librarian should use a square-bottomed, post-consumer recycled Trader Joe's grocery tote as a briefcase or purse.  It is large enough to hold your knitting, your book, your laptop, your cats, and your enormous lack of fashion sense.

Interviews (Women), Dressing for

When dressing for a library job interview, a female candidate should always match her twinset to her socks. (The latter will show through your dressy work Crocs).

Ask the readers: What do you think female librarians should wear to a library job interview?

Interviews (Men), Dressing for

When dressing for a library job interview, male candidates should wear one, and no more than one, of the following items to increase their chances of landing the position:

• a book- or literature-themed necktie
• a cell phone on your belt
• a kilt
• a porn mustache
• your LARP costume

Choose wisely, and good luck!

Ask the readers: What do you think male librarians should wear to a library job interview?

Success, Dressing for

Your library coworkers maintain a spreadsheet documenting how often you wear your favorite outfit, and so should you.

Green, The wearing of the

Be sure to wear green on St. Patrick's Day.  As you read this, your perverted librarian coworker is wandering the stacks looking for someone to pinch.

Fanny pack, The ready reference

Every reference librarian should wear a fanny pack (or "bum bag" for readers in the UK) filled with office supplies. You never know when a patron will need your professional services to procure a pencil, an ink pen, a highlighter, WiteOut, Post-it notes, a small paper clip, a large paper clip, a 3x5" notecard, a 4x6" notecard, a staple remover, a permanent marker, a pair of scissors, a hole punch, a pencil, a ruler, binder clips, a blank CD, scrap paper, a stapler, a tissue, pain reliever, a Band-Aid, Rolaids, or a condom.

Ask the readers: What else do you carry in your "ready reference" fanny pack?

Snuggies, Wearing

Yes, they make your sweatpants look dressy, but no, Snuggies are never appropriate library workplace attire.

Up, Beaming yourself

It is never, under any circumstances, appropriate for a librarian to come to work dressed in a Star Trek uniform.

In, Blending

Librarians should not wear clothes with pictures of books on them. This "library-camouflage" may hide you as you wander in the stacks, but it makes you a target for nerdhunters as soon as you walk out the library's front door.

Fridays, Casual

Your library's "Casual Friday" dress code does not give you the license to wear sweatpants to work.

Climate, Controlling the

If the temperature inside your library dips below 67 degrees Fahrenheit (brr!), it is perfectly acceptable to dress like a homeless person and build a bonfire in the nearest recycling bin.