Librarian, You're a grand old

A newly hired librarian should spent part of his or her very first library paycheck to purchase a cat flag for every month of the year. Fly them proudly at your work space, and forever in peace may they wave.

Harassment, Avoiding

It is never appropriate to call a fellow librarian a "pussy." Even if he does wear bow ties to work.

Internet, Mastering the

Librarians should use their mastery of search algorithms, indexing, and keywords to constantly scour the Internet in search of places to share cat pictures.

Aww, Things that make you say

A new Japanese study suggests that viewing photos of cute animals at work may boost productivity. In light of this information, librarians should begin every library committee meeting, instruction class, and reference interview with a ten-minute slideshow of your favorite kitten pics.

Travel, Professional

Library webinars are supplements to (not substitutes for) travel to conferences and professional development workshops. Challenge your library director to stretch the “social boundaries of the online community with a live, off-line event” where you can network and learn with your colleagues.

Cat, Adopting a library

Librarians should adopt library cats to live in the book stacks. Every library needs more self-obsessed,  neurotic individuals on the library payroll who like write blog posts and take naps in the stacks.

Conversation, Making

Librarians should limit themselves to one "cat story" per day to avoid the risk of becoming a bore around the library workplace.  Also, once you are home, limit yourself to one "library story" per day to avoid becoming a bore to your cat.