Colons, The appropriateness of

There is never an appropriate time to discuss your colonoscopy with your library patrons or coworkers. If they are interested, politely direct them to the public photo album you posted on Facebook.

Fluids, Discussing bodily

Librarians should never discuss bodily fluids [including, but not limited to: urine, vomit, earwax, gastric juice, breast milk, mucus, phlegm, pus, saliva, sebum, semen, snot, vaginal secretions, sweat, tears, amniotic fluid, diarrhea, smegma, and blood] in the library work place... unless those fluids are found on recently-returned library books.

Sinus, Bathing your

A polite librarian will never use his or her neti pot in the library's breakroom sink, in a public restroom, or at a drinking fountain.  If your patrons or coworkers want to watch you give yourself a nasal enema, they can look you up on YouTube.

Yums, Yucking

The best birthday gift you can give a library coworker is to refrain from discussing your Irritable Bowel Syndrome, food allergies, eating disorders, and/or vegetarianism during her office birthday lunch outing.

Breaks, Taking

Happy, healthy librarians smoke cigarettes. Smoking librarians get more breaks, take longer breaks, and get outside the library several times per day.