Diva, Being a Pencil

Librarians should be fanatical about their choice of pencils. Whether you prefer the classic feel of a wooden #2 pencil, the silent lead advancement of a .7mm Paper Mate Sharpwriter, or the clicking comfort of Bic’s Bicmatic Grip, insist that your library director cater to your personal writing preferences regardless of the cost.

[Editor’s note: This blog post was first drafted using a gold Montegrappa Alfa Romeo mechanical pencil.]

Ask the readers: Librarians, what is your favorite pencil?

Paper, Clipping

Librarians should always keep a stash of paper clips available at the reference desk.  You can use paper clips to...

• eject illegally burned CDs from uncooperative PCs
• perform emergency body-piercings for Goth patrons
• make a chain/lasso for roping unattended children
• create a collapsible ladder for your dramatic escape from the library's roof
• gouge your eyes out after seeing the thing that guy was doing in the stairwell

It, Sticking

Your choice of Post-it notes (or their generic counterparts) is essential to intra-library communication.  Choose a size and color for your correspondence that reflects your library personality.  For example:

• Small notes are preferred by Tweeting-librarians.  
• Large, line-ruled pads are used by more "mature" librarians.  
• Pastels are for the meek, mild, and milquetoasts.  
• Neons are used by librarians who are trying too hard to be cool.  
• Pale yellow is reserved for the criminally insane (and/or the budget-restrained). 

Never use pieces of scrap paper and transparent tape to communicate with your library coworkers.  That is just pitiful.

Ask the readers: What kind of Post-its do you use, and what do they say about you?

Fanny pack, The ready reference

Every reference librarian should wear a fanny pack (or "bum bag" for readers in the UK) filled with office supplies. You never know when a patron will need your professional services to procure a pencil, an ink pen, a highlighter, WiteOut, Post-it notes, a small paper clip, a large paper clip, a 3x5" notecard, a 4x6" notecard, a staple remover, a permanent marker, a pair of scissors, a hole punch, a pencil, a ruler, binder clips, a blank CD, scrap paper, a stapler, a tissue, pain reliever, a Band-Aid, Rolaids, or a condom.

Ask the readers: What else do you carry in your "ready reference" fanny pack?

Ink pen diva, Being an

A good librarian should be fanatical about his or her preference in ink pens. Refuse to write with anything that doesn't meet the standards set by your pen of choice. Label your pens with your name so that people won't steal them. Leave decoy pens on your desk for others to borrow/take. Throw tantrums when your pens disappear. Berate the office secretary who accidentally orders your pens without the gel-grip.

Library administrators should be "pro-choice" when it comes to librarians' fanaticism with ink pens. The additional cost of each Pilot G-2 05 will be money well spent if it helps quell a librarian uprising.

Ask the readers: What is your favorite pen, and what makes it so special?

Office supplies, Hoarding

Hoard office supplies in your desk and filing cabinets. Some day you may find yourself needing to dispose of a patron's body and all that library mailing tape and bubble wrap will come in handy. Just remember, it takes A LOT of paper clips stuffed in a person's pockets to make them sink to the bottom of the river.