Unpopular policies, Introducing

When introducing unpopular changes in library services, do so with intentionally bad grammar and spelling. Your library’s patrons will be so infuriated and distracted by the mistakes in the sign reading, “Their will now be a $5 fee for you’re use of the libraries staplers,” they won’t protest the policy itself.

Code, Speaking in

Librarians should remove all printed library signs from their buildings and replace them with QR codes. This will finally get your patrons to notice your library's “No Cell Phones” policy.

No, Just say (REVISITED)

A polite librarian should not allow patrons to puncture one another’s feet. Please update your library’s signs to reflect this change in policy.

Signs, Making readable

When creating signs for their patrons, librarians should be mindful to avoid library jargon.  You can also make a more deliberate attempt to speak your patrons' language by intentionally inserting grammatical mistakes, spelling errors, and unnecessary punctuation on your BROKE printers, out of order ELEVATOR'S, and KEEP AT "REF DESK" scissors. 

Ask the readers: What poorly written signs are hanging in your library?

Signs, Making patrons read

Frustrated with patrons who won't read the signs you have hanging throughout your library? Here are some tips...

1. Invest in a newer, bigger, shinier, more colorful sign that reads, "PLEASE READ ALL SIGNS @ YOUR LIBRARY."
2. Subliminally sneak random naughty words into your signs (e.g., "NO porn sex FOOD naked OR DRINKS IN xxx adult THE LIBRARY")
3. Add the following language in small print to the bottom of all existing signs: "Patrons who do not read signs are subject to eye rolls, sassing, or even bodily harm from the librarian on duty."

No, Just say

List all your library's prohibitions on homemade signs and paste them around your library. No food. No drinks. No cell phones. No animals. No noise. No weapons. No sex. No farting. No murder. No eefing. How else will your patrons know all the things they are not allowed to do in your library?

Ask the readers: What is the most ridiculous prohibitive sign in your library?