Association membership dues, On not paying on time

When your crappy SLA membership dues come up for renewal, ignore the second, third and fourth reminders and just wait until someone from the organization practically begs you to renew. It's always nice when someone begs, especially if they knock a little off the price. And if you decide not to renew, make sure you blow off some steam and tell someone exactly whyyou think the dues are a complete waste of money.

Technical issues, Overexplaining

When patrons complain about dead links on your library's web site, out-of-service databases, or a disabled online catalog, help them understand what's going on by explaining the technical problems in excruciating detail. Patrons really care about the javascript code running behind your library's web site and what kind of server your link resolver is running on. Really, nothing dissolves patrons' frustrations like dense, technical, jargon-filled hypothetical explanations of your library catalog's problems. When you're finished rambling, refer patrons to an online form to report the problem and tell them to "check back" to see when it's up and running again.

Wares, Hawking

Shamelessly self-promote your library blog by setting up an online store to sell your homemade wares.

http://www.cafepress.com/libetiquette

Lunch break, Strategically timing your

Never take your lunch break before your boss does. Wait ten minutes after the boss leaves before you take your own break. This allows you the opportunity to take a long lunch without the boss knowing when you actually left. This is also known as "the oldest trick in the book."

Note: Complications arise when your boss is using the oldest trick in the book with his/her boss. Depending on how many upline supervisors you have, it could be 3 or 4 in the afternoon before you get to eat lunch.

Thumb tacks, On placing on the seat of your least favorite co-worker

Do it!!! DO IT!!!!!

Elitist, Being

You are a librarian. Hold this over the heads of your support staff and constantly remind them of the social stratification within the library work place. Don't do tasks that are beneath your level. Be sure to have exclusive, closed-door librarian meetings. Always keep your day-to-day tasks and responsibilities shrouded in mystery. You aren't a good librarian unless people wonder what you do all day.

Besides, if the staff don't think you're important, who else will?

Ties, Wearing

Don't wear a tie to work. Your coworkers will make fun of you. And you will deserve it.