Promotion, The Catch 22 of Librarians and

The better you get at being a librarian, the more you get promoted. The more you get promoted, the less real library work you get to do.

Are you good with the public? We'll stick you in an office and let you crunch numbers.

Are you good at cataloging? We'll let you manage people with difficult personalities.

Are you a good researcher? We'll let you draft strategic goals and other management rubbish.

Lesson: don't let anyone know you're good at what you do.

J

Cataloging Your Personal CD Collection

Only catalog your cd collection if you have over 1,000 cd's. Yes, it was funny when you decided to assign Dewey Decimal numbers to your cd's back when you were in LIS school and you and your friends had a good, hearty laugh for about ten minutes, but once you start working full-time, keeping that thing up-to-date will become a massive burden and you will only have yourself to blame, smart guy.

Bore, Risk of becoming a

Librarians should take every opportunity to stop being librarians when they leave the library. Those who eat, drink, and sleep librarianship run the risk of becoming bores. Is this you?!

Warning signs:

• You have professional library journals and newsletters mailed to your home address.
• You read the Chronicle of Higher Education for something other than job ads.
• Your personal email address makes a cute reference to something library related (ex: dewey009@whatever.com).
• You own the VHS or DVD of Party Girl.
• You have convinced yourself that you like the song "Marian the Librarian."

Some suggested remedies:

• Learn to play an obscure instrument (accordion, banjo, etc.)
  
• Take a class in a subject about which you know nothing.
• Get a subscription to a fluff magazine.
• Listen to the radio (NPR doesn't count) and watch bad TV.

Generally speaking, pop culture is good for the soul. Plus, it makes you much more tolerable and less "pervy" to the rest of the world. If all else fails, just quit your job.

J

Television, On Not Admitting to Watching Any

Anyone asks you what you did last night, your choices are: a) reading Shakespeare b) organizing rare collection of [fill in the blank] c) volunteering at some do-gooder event or d) attended the theatre, ballet or opera. Never let on that you have a television; and don't let it slip that you have premium cable and that you watched a whole hour of World's Wildest Police Videos on Spike TV last night.

Bow ties, Wearing

Bow ties can be very cool (seriously), but there are three general rules to keep in mind:

1. No clip-ons or fake bow ties. Learn to tie it, or abandon the idea.
2. Keep it small. Big bow ties are not cool.
3. Wear them sparingly lest you become the "bow tie guy."

And for God's sake, don't be the bow tie guy AND the pun guy. You will be truly insufferable.

J

Puns, Intending

Puns should used in moderation. You do not want to become "the pun guy."

J

Buzzword Bingo, Creating your own game of

Buzzword Bingo is a game you can play in your next meeting. Make a bingo card and in each block list a buzzword. When someone uses a buzzword, mark it off your card. When you get five in a row, yell out "BINGO!" and you win.

Some examples of buzzwords from recent library meetings:

paradigm
thinking outside the box
brainstorm
utilize (used incorrectly)
content management system (CMS)
link resolver
integrated library system (ILS)
open-access
federated searching
googlization
portal

Enjoy!
J