Library Job Interviews, Dirty Words in

The following words and phrases should not be used among library staff when you are interviewing for a job as the new boss:

• outsourcing
• cross-training
• paradigm shift
• planful
  
• information commons

See also, the March 24 entry for "Buzzword Bingo, Creating your own game of."

J

Serials, on Monopolizing

When a new serial (that's MLS-speak for 'magazine') makes its way to the cataloging department, make sure that you park all of the most popular titles on top of your magazine stash in the corner of your desk until they are outdated. NEVER put an issue of Vogue on the magazine stacks until after the star on the cover is the subject of a Where Are They Now article in People Magazine.

Cursing aloud, Reference patrons and

Patrons are allowed to curse aloud in the reference room... Especially if they are old and are frustrated that you can't satisfactorily "ask the computer" to find the right kind of replacement tips for their walking cane.

Example: "No! That's the same shit they sell down at the drug store! I need something that will last more than a damn week!"

You are not, however, allowed to curse back at them.

J

Patrons, Fraternizing with

You are a professional. Do not have sex or do drugs with patrons.

J

Escape, Planning an

If you are locked in the library after hours and you don't have keys to get out, do not call campus security. Jump out the window, break your leg, and sue the library director instead.

J

Candy dishes, Eating from

A decorative candy dish left in plain sight on a desk is usually an open invitation to stop by, chat, and to take a break from your day as you share in some sugary goodness. However, it is still appropriate and polite to ask, "Oh, may I have a piece of your candy?"

Taking candy from decorative dishes when the owner is not at his or her desk is really uncool.

Candy hidden in drawers, purses, or pockets is strictly off-limits.

J

Editor's note: An Altoid box is not a candy dish, so keep out unless offered!

Promotion, The Catch 22 of Librarians and

The better you get at being a librarian, the more you get promoted. The more you get promoted, the less real library work you get to do.

Are you good with the public? We'll stick you in an office and let you crunch numbers.

Are you good at cataloging? We'll let you manage people with difficult personalities.

Are you a good researcher? We'll let you draft strategic goals and other management rubbish.

Lesson: don't let anyone know you're good at what you do.

J