Resumé, On posting yours on a listserv

Hi. You know that job listing on the listserv that someone posted yesterday? Go ahead and respond to that opening by posting your resumé and cover letter to the entire listserv. Really, it's the appropriate thing to do. See, I keep a mental list of these jackasses and it helps me figure out who not to hire. You're doing everyone a huge public service.

Blogger, Never admitting to being a

Bloggers should remain anonymous. Use a pseudonym. And for god's sake, never list it on your c.v. or resume.

Folk hero, Becoming a

Start a library blog. Librarians love to read about other librarians. Write a good one, and you might just end up being a folk hero.

White socks, On wearing everyday

Wear white socks with everything, especially with dark-colored pants and penny loafers that are falling apart at the seams. Occasionally, mask your wretched taste in clothing with a plaid blazer or a stonewashed jacket that you bought in 1985. This applies to both men and women.

Myspace.com, Joining

MySpace is a much-hyped online hang-out for hipsters. Finally let your friends wear you down and reluctantly sign up for an account. Soon you'll experience the joy of checking yet another email account, wrestling with poorly designed personal pages, and politely (yet awkwardly) declining friend requests from random skanks who really like your picture.

Or, sign your library up for an account and see how many friends you can get. Spend a lot of time updating and fine-tuning your library's profile. The rewards you reap will be worth all the time you put into it.

Instant Messages, Waiting for

No patrons want to chat with you about reference questions using your instant messenger (IM) service. Sorry. It was a nice thought though.

Wikipedia, On the inherent evil of

Be sure to drag down our profession by answering every reference question with "did you already check Wikipedia?" Ask the question as non-ironically as possible, and you'll probably see a good 40% drop-off in your daily work schedule. Note: make sure not to reveal the small factoid about Wikipedia being about as reliable as Ronald Reagan's memory when it comes to FACTS.