White cafe mocha, Deserving an expensive

Some everyday events justify treating oneself to an expensive white cafe mocha from the library's coffee shop. Some examples are listed below:

Celebrating with a white cafe mocha

• Acing a particularly difficult reference question
• All your colleagues leave for a library conference, and you have run of the place in their absence
• Getting through a day with no email from any of your upline supervisors

Earning a white cafe mocha

• Having to endure more than two meetings and/or instruction sessions in the same day
• Sitting through a particularly long or annoying meeting
• Having to perform staff evaluations

Other ways to justify a white cafe mocha

• Thirst
• Too much cash in wallet
• Librarian's Guide to Etiquette mug is empty
  

Coots @ your library, Crazy old

Beware of crazy old men carrying briefcases. They usually have "special research projects" that they want to share with you. This might include rehashing tedious details of geneaology research, finding a mailing address for a hand-written tech-support letter to Gateway, shopping for replacement cane tips (that "aren't shit!"), and pulling seemingly random items out of library storage. Crazy old coots may or may not have excessive nose and ear hair, very loud voices, and a propensity to touch you on the shoulder and back. If you see one coming... run away.

Association membership dues, On not paying on time

When your crappy SLA membership dues come up for renewal, ignore the second, third and fourth reminders and just wait until someone from the organization practically begs you to renew. It's always nice when someone begs, especially if they knock a little off the price. And if you decide not to renew, make sure you blow off some steam and tell someone exactly whyyou think the dues are a complete waste of money.

Technical issues, Overexplaining

When patrons complain about dead links on your library's web site, out-of-service databases, or a disabled online catalog, help them understand what's going on by explaining the technical problems in excruciating detail. Patrons really care about the javascript code running behind your library's web site and what kind of server your link resolver is running on. Really, nothing dissolves patrons' frustrations like dense, technical, jargon-filled hypothetical explanations of your library catalog's problems. When you're finished rambling, refer patrons to an online form to report the problem and tell them to "check back" to see when it's up and running again.

Wares, Hawking

Shamelessly self-promote your library blog by setting up an online store to sell your homemade wares.

http://www.cafepress.com/libetiquette

Lunch break, Strategically timing your

Never take your lunch break before your boss does. Wait ten minutes after the boss leaves before you take your own break. This allows you the opportunity to take a long lunch without the boss knowing when you actually left. This is also known as "the oldest trick in the book."

Note: Complications arise when your boss is using the oldest trick in the book with his/her boss. Depending on how many upline supervisors you have, it could be 3 or 4 in the afternoon before you get to eat lunch.

Thumb tacks, On placing on the seat of your least favorite co-worker

Do it!!! DO IT!!!!!