Intercom, Using the library

The library intercom is not a toy. Things to avoid:

• Paging patrons or coworkers (Perhaps adding a curt, "This isn't Wal-mart," to the requester)
  
• Rigging up your iPod to share your love of Neil Diamond with the rest of the library
  
• Serenading potential lovers
• Mass Ssshh!-ing
• Engaging in hollering contests

Mass email, Sending

Do not annoy your library coworkers by sending too many mass email messages. Mass emails should be sent sparingly, and only when absolutely necessary.

A librarian should be given a lifetime quota of mass emails (say... 15?) when signing an employment contract at his or her library. Once the quota is reached, the librarian's email account would then auto-delete and the offender would be ejected from his or her chair, out of the library, and into the fiery pits of Hell.

Grandpa-like, Being

When your library's student workers giggle and tell you that you dress like their grandfathers, you should take this as a compliment. Acknowledge the compliment by bringing them hard candy and nickels. They also find it charming when you regale them with stories about the days when InfoTrac was on CD-ROM.

Degreed, Being terminally

The American Library Association's Statement on the Terminal Professional Degree for Academic Librarians reads:

The master's degree in library science from a library school program accredited by the American Library Association is the appropriate terminal professional degree for academic librarians.

... With that said, go get yourself a second master's degree in a non-library discipline. Most academic libraries won't hire or promote you without one.

Diplomas, Displaying

[Note: The humble editors of A Librarian's Guide to Etiquette seek your opinion by presenting a rare reader's poll... Thanks in advance for your participation.]

Is it pretentious for a librarian to hang the framed MLS diploma in his/her office or work space?
	Yes
	No
Polling provided by Pollhost.com

Office supplies, Hoarding

Hoard office supplies in your desk and filing cabinets. Some day you may find yourself needing to dispose of a patron's body and all that library mailing tape and bubble wrap will come in handy. Just remember, it takes A LOT of paper clips stuffed in a person's pockets to make them sink to the bottom of the river.

Pencils, Supplying free

Provide complimentary pencils to your patrons so that they can write down call numbers from your online catalog. Just be sure the provided pencils are small golf pencils. Nothing says, "We value your patronage," like an awkward writing experience and the resulting hand cramps.