Books, P-

When speaking with patrons and colleagues about books, librarians should distinguish between print books and electronic books by using the shortened phrases: p-books and e-books. P-books may also be referred to as:

• old-fashioned books
• real books
• printed e-books
• off-line resources
• those things they sell in bookstores

Support Staff, Naming

The perception of a librarian/staff divide can be a sensitive issue for many who work in libraries. Library adminstrators should be aware of this, and thus name their staff something that says, "We value you and the work you do." Some examples:

• Nonprofessionals (or similarly: Unprofessionals)
• Library Helpers
• Information Custodians
• The Others
• "Librarians"

Birthday, Broadcasting your

Start reminding your coworkers about your upcoming birthday weeks in advance. It is your responsibility to make sure they have time to collect enough money to buy you that 2GB iPod nano you've been wanting.

Suggestions, Making

A librarian should use the library's suggestion box to anonymously suggest unpopular (and/or expensive) ideas that he or she secretly endorses.

• "Get new/better signage."
• "Get rid of that ghastly art work in the reading room!"
• "Restock the white chocolate Reese's Cups in the vending machine!"
• "Buy more black, urban, lesbian erotica!"
• "Forget the coffee shop... I'd like to see a pub!"

Ideas like these often get more traction if they come from the library's users and not from self-interested librarians. It also helps to sign the anonymous suggestion with the initials of the library director's supervisor.

Words, Making up

Librarians are often riveting conversationalists because of their overuse of acronyms and library jargon. Another powerful, yet often overlooked, professional conversation tool is that of the made-up word. The trick is to take a normal word and add a suffix or two to it.

An example: find + able + ity = findability.

Can you find this word in a dictionary? No, it has no findability.

[Note: The editors invite their loyal readers to post their own made-up words in the comments section below.]

Savvy, Demonstrating your technical

Show your library's users that you are a modern, technologically-competent information professional by taking the following actions:

• Avoid the [enter] key and type your email messages in large, single-block paragraphs
• Name your files using the first line of your document's text (e.g., As a means of improving.doc)
• Print handouts for PowerPoint presentations... one-slide per page
• Double click on web links during presentations
  
• Leave the body of your email messages blank and type the entire content of your message in the subject line instead
  

Ninjas, (Not) Disturbing

If you wander down a hallway and happen upon a fellow librarian pantomiming martial arts moves in his office, it is best not to disturb this person.

Though it may look hilarious, don't laugh. Do your best to sneak away unnoticed and never mention it again. Your coworker may indeed be a ninja armed with throwing stars, a sword, and the ability to rip out your heart with his bare hands. Better to err on the side of caution.