Beanie Babies, Decorating with

Librarians should be aware that there is a limit to the number of Beanie Babies that may be tastefully used to decorate one's workspace. That limit is zero.

Files, Organizing your

Save all of your electronic files to your computer's desktop. A screen filled with overlapping icons will no doubt serve as testament to your ability to organize information and will instill confidence with your library patrons who've been wasting their time with folders and organized file structures.

Sexy Back, Bringing

Never let your library coworkers catch you listening to Justin Timberlake on your office computer. You will never hear the end of it.

Interviews, Being cool during

A librarian should play hard-to-get while interviewing for a job. Never let yourself drool with delight at the mention of the prospective salary. Don't moan with pleasure at the sight of your potential office. And don't wet yourself with anticipation when you get winked at by the office slut.

Also, during your interview, limit yourself to three whines of the word "please" while clutching onto the Director's leg. Anything more would just make you seem desperate.

Second Life, Joining

Librarians should think twice before joining Second Life in an attempt to connect with patrons. Your patrons don't want to be friends with you in real life, so it's not likely that they'll be interested in hanging out with your avatar.

Networking, Conference

If you happen to get lucky with another librarian at a library conference, hang your lanyard on the hotel doorknob to keep your roommate from coming in and catching you in the act. No one should be subjected to seeing two librarians awkwardly trying to integrate their systems.

Anniversaries and birthdays, Celebrating

Keep a detailed log of your library coworkers' anniversaries and other miscellaneous milestones. Don't limit your celebrations to library events ("Joe, congratulations on your fifth year in the Cataloging Department!"). Your coworkers will be flattered to learn that you keep a detailed record of their extracurricular activities, romantic relationships, and rehab milestones.


[Editor's note: Today marks the two year birthday of A Librarian's Guide to Etiquette. Celebrate by doing something rude to a coworker.]