ALA Annual Conference, How to pack for the

Before heading off to the American Library Association Annual Conference in Anaheim, be sure to pack the following items:

• Your favorite library-themed t-shirt

• Your laptop (for live blogging the Distance Learning Interest Group's business meeting)

• Your knitting (for times when you're not live blogging)

• An extra empty suitcase (for all that vendor swag)

• A bottle of your favorite liquor (for the "Web 2.0" drinking game)
  

SUDOC, Putting the "eww" in

A polite librarian should never correct a patron when he or she mistakenly asks to see your "government suppository" collection. Once the desired government document is checked out, the library has no business knowing how the patron plans to consume it.

Rock you, We will

Librarians should follow the rock concert model and spend the first five minutes of each library instruction class with some music to get your students in the mood for research. Before the main attraction, offer up one of these motivational selections:

• "We Will Rock You" - Queen
• "Gonna Make You Sweat" - C+C Music Factory
• "Search & Destroy" -- Iggy and the Stooges
• "Whoomp! There It Is" - Tag Team
• Or any funeral dirge of your choice

Ask the Readers: What song would be a fitting introduction to YOUR library instruction classes?

Animal cruelty, Reporting incidents of

It is not necessary to contact PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) when your library administrators are beating a dead horse. On the other hand, a librarian should contact the authorities immediately if you catch someone spanking the monkey or choking a chicken in the library.

Cheezburger, U cannot haz

You are a librarian. An information professional. You are too old to be into lolcats. Seriously. Stop it.

Obsessive-compulsive, Being

If you are going to be an obsessive-compulsive librarian, at least try to be good at your job. Excessive incompetence isn't good for anyone.

Politics, Talking

A librarian should never talk politics at work. Especially if you work with a bunch of idiots who don't agree with your political views.