Up, Warming it

A good reference librarian should be courteous to his or her colleagues by warming the seat of the chair at the reference desk during a shift. Your fellow librarians will thank you for the posterior warmth your inactivity provides.

Be careful not to take this advice too far... no one wants to sit in a sweat-soaked seat. If your ass sweats when you answer reference questions, bring a towel.

Up, Beaming yourself

It is never, under any circumstances, appropriate for a librarian to come to work dressed in a Star Trek uniform.

Web site, Designing your library

When redesigning a library web site, libraries can make up for their lack of a real web designer by assembling a committee of librarians to tackle the job. Five or six untrained, tasteless, design-illiterate people can surely tackle the task of site architecture, user interface, and graphic design.

Ask the readers: Got a library web site that was designed by committee? Share it (and your commentary) in the comments below.

Overdue notices, Sending

Libraries should use the threat of overdue fines to create a sense of power over their patrons. Nothing says, "I am a force to be reckoned with!" like a generic system-generated email/postcard/letter demanding 25-cents.

Parties, Throwing

Final exams week is a great time to host an impromptu party at your library. But don't invite your security folks. They will confiscate uncovered drinks and/or spray your students in the face with mace.

Mug, Your ugly

Librarians should choose clever coffee mugs to express themselves creatively around the workplace. A person's mug says a lot about him or her. For example, your "An oyster a day keeps the Viagra away!" mug explains to your library colleagues both your bad breath and your boners.

Ask the readers: What's the best/worst coffee mug used at your library?

In, Blending

Librarians should not wear clothes with pictures of books on them. This "library-camouflage" may hide you as you wander in the stacks, but it makes you a target for nerdhunters as soon as you walk out the library's front door.