ALA, Going to

Don't feel guilty about spending your library's money to travel to ALA. It is the one time of year when your colleagues and staff actually get to enjoy the peace and tranquility of the library without you in it. Everyone will agree that that is money well spent.

Embarrassment, Avoiding

Never let your mother find out that your library has an Instant Messenger service at the reference desk.

Jobs, Helping people find

Libraries can make themselves relevant during tough economic times by hosting resume writing workshops and job fairs. Your recently laid-off library staff and unemployed new library school graduates will thank you for helping them get jobs at McDonald's.

Up, Warming it

A good reference librarian should be courteous to his or her colleagues by warming the seat of the chair at the reference desk during a shift. Your fellow librarians will thank you for the posterior warmth your inactivity provides.

Be careful not to take this advice too far... no one wants to sit in a sweat-soaked seat. If your ass sweats when you answer reference questions, bring a towel.

Up, Beaming yourself

It is never, under any circumstances, appropriate for a librarian to come to work dressed in a Star Trek uniform.

Web site, Designing your library

When redesigning a library web site, libraries can make up for their lack of a real web designer by assembling a committee of librarians to tackle the job. Five or six untrained, tasteless, design-illiterate people can surely tackle the task of site architecture, user interface, and graphic design.

Ask the readers: Got a library web site that was designed by committee? Share it (and your commentary) in the comments below.

Overdue notices, Sending

Libraries should use the threat of overdue fines to create a sense of power over their patrons. Nothing says, "I am a force to be reckoned with!" like a generic system-generated email/postcard/letter demanding 25-cents.