Web sites, Abandoning

The best library Web site is a library Web site that doesn't need to be updated. Libraries can save valuable human and technical resources by removing all links, staff directories, hours, and other "changeable" information on their pages. Additionally, by disconnecting the phones and locking the library's doors, the librarians will suddenly find more time for meeting with one another to discuss the design and effectiveness of the library's Web site.

Exclaiming, Job Search

Unless you have ever worked for Yahoo!, there is absolutely no excuse for using exclamation marks in your library job application letter or resume.

Battles, Email

If you are going to subject your library coworkers to a fiery toned public email battle with another colleague, at least try to make it interesting. Nobody wants to read fifty back-and-forth argumentative emails about your use of the MARC record's 856 field. Consider your audience... use more expletives, insult the other person's cats, and ramp up the obvious sexual tension. Your readers deserve better.

Reading, Popular

Labeling a shelf the "popular" reading shelf, does not necessarily make it popular. If you want your library's bookshelves to be popular, stock them with smutty magazines, the illustrated Kama Sutra, Lost Girls, The Anarchist's Cookbook, and free candy. Oh, and anything involving vampires.

ALA, Going to

Don't feel guilty about spending your library's money to travel to ALA. It is the one time of year when your colleagues and staff actually get to enjoy the peace and tranquility of the library without you in it. Everyone will agree that that is money well spent.

Embarrassment, Avoiding

Never let your mother find out that your library has an Instant Messenger service at the reference desk.

Jobs, Helping people find

Libraries can make themselves relevant during tough economic times by hosting resume writing workshops and job fairs. Your recently laid-off library staff and unemployed new library school graduates will thank you for helping them get jobs at McDonald's.