Viruses, Getting

Computer viruses only attack library computers that are being operated by the elderly, the feeble, and those with weak constitutions. Oh, and perverts. If your staff computer becomes infected, it is best to set it on fire and avoid being identified as one or more of the above.

Snuggies, Wearing

Yes, they make your sweatpants look dressy, but no, Snuggies are never appropriate library workplace attire.

Tools, Emerging

Some librarians believe that "there is a cry for emerging tools" (1:32) rising up from today's library patrons. That cry seems to have been answered.

Names, Dropping

Quote "A Librarian's Guide to Etiquette" in your ALA Midwinter conference presentation, and you'll be entered in a drawing for a free LGTE mug. Send proof of your quotation to polite.librarian@gmail.com.

Not going to ALA Midwinter? Wow, it must suck to be you.

Conferences, Tweeting

Write your twitter name on your ALA Midwinter nametag so that attendees can easily identify fellow library conference tweeters. This will allow for face-to-face tweeting, eliminating the need for awkward eye contact and talking with other humans. #alamw10

Airplanes, Flying on

As you are flying to Boston for ALA Midwinter, be sure to acknowledge your library-brethren -- the flight attendants. Like you, these kindred spirits teach in small, confined spaces; they express an obvious boredom with teaching the same lesson over and over again; and their lessons are directed to patrons who blatantly ignore them.

For those of you who are not flying to Boston, express your camaraderie by handing out packets of peanuts to the students in your library classes.

Tobacco, Disposing of

Please do not spit your chewing tobacco into the library's public restroom urinal. If you need to flush it, swallow it first.