Sick, Calling in

Take time during your sick day to call your library and ask for yourself using a fake voice. This will not only remind your coworkers that you are ill and deserving of their pity, but it will also make them think that you are in high demand.

Information Commons, Building an

Modernize your library with a new information commons by buying movable modular furniture, specialized computer software, multimedia presentation equipment, etc.

Restricted by a tight budget? Do it on the cheap by renaming your existing computer lab with a hand-scrawled "Information Commons" sign.

Headphones, Lending

If your library lends headphones to patrons, it is important to properly sanitize such equipment between uses. In fact, a new group (The "Equipment for Audible Recordings: Cleaning Resources of User Dander" Committee) should be formed posthaste to develop the appropriate procedures and workflows.

Passwords, Creating

Librarians should secure sensitive information on the reference desk computer with a super-secret password, like: library, reference, reflib, libref, or refdesk. This will throw hackers for a loop, as they will be expecting something much more complicated.

Ask the readers: Share your library's lame reference desk password in the comments below. (Anonymously, of course. Otherwise the hackers might log in and change your library's reference desk schedule.)

Plants, Killing

There is a reason plants won't grow in your library office. Your PowerPoint presentations suck the life out of them.

Viruses, Getting

Computer viruses only attack library computers that are being operated by the elderly, the feeble, and those with weak constitutions. Oh, and perverts. If your staff computer becomes infected, it is best to set it on fire and avoid being identified as one or more of the above.

Snuggies, Wearing

Yes, they make your sweatpants look dressy, but no, Snuggies are never appropriate library workplace attire.