Authority file, Respecting your

At least once per year, one of your library's catalogers should walk up to the reference desk and shank a reference librarian with a letter opener. These public shows of aggression will earn you the respect of your colleagues and help maintain the social order in your library.

Place, Knowing your

If a faculty member calls you, a librarian, by the wrong name (Sharon instead of Susan, or Mike instead of Mark) in the classroom, just roll with it. At least they are talking to you and not giving you a wedgie in front of the class. Maybe if you're lucky, they'll even let you carry their books to their next class.

Systems librarians, Being nice to

Be nice to your systems librarians. Not only do they control your Internet access, they also have the power to see how much of your workday you spend watering imaginary plants, shopping for crocheted cat clothes, and looking at food porn.

Sick, Calling in

Take time during your sick day to call your library and ask for yourself using a fake voice. This will not only remind your coworkers that you are ill and deserving of their pity, but it will also make them think that you are in high demand.

Information Commons, Building an

Modernize your library with a new information commons by buying movable modular furniture, specialized computer software, multimedia presentation equipment, etc.

Restricted by a tight budget? Do it on the cheap by renaming your existing computer lab with a hand-scrawled "Information Commons" sign.

Headphones, Lending

If your library lends headphones to patrons, it is important to properly sanitize such equipment between uses. In fact, a new group (The "Equipment for Audible Recordings: Cleaning Resources of User Dander" Committee) should be formed posthaste to develop the appropriate procedures and workflows.

Passwords, Creating

Librarians should secure sensitive information on the reference desk computer with a super-secret password, like: library, reference, reflib, libref, or refdesk. This will throw hackers for a loop, as they will be expecting something much more complicated.

Ask the readers: Share your library's lame reference desk password in the comments below. (Anonymously, of course. Otherwise the hackers might log in and change your library's reference desk schedule.)