Humble, Being

Never admit that your web design skills surpass those of your Web Librarian. If you do, you might find yourself assigned to a powerless Web Page Oversight Committee that makes recommendations your Web Librarian can't implement.

Mobile, Going

Libraries should spend a lot of time, money, and effort to make their web sites mobile-phone-compatible. Smart phone users should have just as much right to ignore your page as the rest of your patrons.

Shadows, Seeing

On February 2, acquisitions librarians will emerge from their offices with a printout of the library's budget. If they see their shadows, there will be six more weeks of book ordering. If they don't, new book orders will go into a queue for the next budget cycle.

Authority file, Respecting your

At least once per year, one of your library's catalogers should walk up to the reference desk and shank a reference librarian with a letter opener. These public shows of aggression will earn you the respect of your colleagues and help maintain the social order in your library.

Place, Knowing your

If a faculty member calls you, a librarian, by the wrong name (Sharon instead of Susan, or Mike instead of Mark) in the classroom, just roll with it. At least they are talking to you and not giving you a wedgie in front of the class. Maybe if you're lucky, they'll even let you carry their books to their next class.

Systems librarians, Being nice to

Be nice to your systems librarians. Not only do they control your Internet access, they also have the power to see how much of your workday you spend watering imaginary plants, shopping for crocheted cat clothes, and looking at food porn.

Sick, Calling in

Take time during your sick day to call your library and ask for yourself using a fake voice. This will not only remind your coworkers that you are ill and deserving of their pity, but it will also make them think that you are in high demand.