Valentine's Day, Preparing for

As Valentine's Day approaches, librarians should begin reviewing and updating the library's prohibitions against public displays of affection, the viewing of explicit online content, and the reading of terrible love poetry.

Black History Month, Celebrating

Celebrate Black History Month @ your library by publicly calling your cataloger a racist for using the subject heading "Blacks -- History" instead of "African American -- History" in a catalog record.

Snacks, Squirreling

During the cold winter months, librarians will sometimes deplete their stores of office snacks, frozen Weight Watchers meals, and vending machine fare at their libraries. Should the need arise, you may turn your computer keyboard upside down, shake it, and find a full meal of granola, muffin crumbs, and M&Ms Minis.

Morning person, Being a

Being a morning person does not give you the right to talk to your library coworkers before 9:00 a.m. Be courteous and give them some space. Conversations involving database contracts, 856 fields, or Access reports are strictly prohibited until after lunch.

Questions, Stupid

You are professionally obligated to tell your library's patrons that "There's no such thing as a stupid question," even though they will always try and succeed at proving you wrong.

Ask the readers: What is the stupidest question you've ever been asked?

Humble, Being

Never admit that your web design skills surpass those of your Web Librarian. If you do, you might find yourself assigned to a powerless Web Page Oversight Committee that makes recommendations your Web Librarian can't implement.

Mobile, Going

Libraries should spend a lot of time, money, and effort to make their web sites mobile-phone-compatible. Smart phone users should have just as much right to ignore your page as the rest of your patrons.