Interviews, Preparing for

Librarians should always prepare for job interviews by stalking their interviewers on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media tools.  Nothing says, "I have mad research skills!" like sharing your intimate knowledge of a complete stranger's personal life.

Teaching, Mastering the art of

If students are not falling asleep during your library instruction classes, you are not doing it right. Lower the lights, turn up the heat, and consider getting a mentor to coach you through the intricacies of mass sedation.

Games, Playing

Librarians can improve their library instruction classes by adopting a game-show format.  Use a long microphone, have a leggy model point to the projected image of your computer screen, and give away fabulous prizes like an all-expenses paid trip to Boredom Island.

Minds, Reading

Beware of fellow librarians who claim to have an omniscient understanding of how patrons think.  This ability to empathize with their users can cause these librarians to overlook the fact that they sound like condescending gas bags when sharing their "knowledge" of a patron's point of view.

Candy, Throwing

Throwing candy to students as an incentive for participating in your library instruction classes gives you, the librarian, an opportunity to showcase not only your library catalog, databases, and facility, but also your glaring lack of athletic ability.

Jargon, Avoiding

Librarians should avoid library jargon at all costs.  Using outdated words like patrons, library, catalog, books, circulation, and reading is a surefire way to alienate people who come to your information building to use a findy thing to look for words on paper that they can then take home and view with their eyes.

Stats, Increasing

One measure of a library's effectiveness is its reference desk statistics.  Librarians can increase their stats at the reference desk by:

• replacing the desk's "Information" sign with one that reads, "Free Office Supplies!!!"
• hiring hotter reference librarians
• making the library impossible for lay people to use
• firing all the instruction librarians
• consistently inflating the numbers to make yourself appear more valuable

Ask the readers: How do you increase reference desk statistics @ your library?