Talk, Girl

Librarians should feel free to casually discuss menstrual cycles, menopause, and feminine hygiene/grooming around the library workspace.  Don't worry about scandalizing your library's male librarian.  He had his testicles removed as part of library school "orientation."

Military, Going

Librarians should embrace their inner drill sergeants and become "information warriors" in the library instruction classroom.  Knit yourself a camouflaged cardigan, convert your classroom into a bibliographic boot camp, and put in a work order to have your bookmobile converted into a tank.

Success, Dressing for

Your library coworkers maintain a spreadsheet documenting how often you wear your favorite outfit, and so should you.

Humiliation, Feeling

A librarian should never allow her-/himself to be videotaped while dancing and singing about libraries.  Find the part of yourself that says, "This will be cute!" and remove it from your body with a dull letter opener.

Discreet, Being

A polite circulation librarian should always repeat the name of the patron's book aloud at the conclusion of a library check-out transaction.  By loudly saying, "I hope you enjoy An Idiot's Guide to Do-It-Yourself Colonoscopies, Ms. Johnson," you will not only confirm your patron's book selection, but also send the patron away with a personal touch they won't likely forget.

Interviews, Preparing for

Librarians should always prepare for job interviews by stalking their interviewers on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media tools.  Nothing says, "I have mad research skills!" like sharing your intimate knowledge of a complete stranger's personal life.

Teaching, Mastering the art of

If students are not falling asleep during your library instruction classes, you are not doing it right. Lower the lights, turn up the heat, and consider getting a mentor to coach you through the intricacies of mass sedation.