Survive, How to

The best way to make the case that your library is underfunded, understaffed, and overworked is to spend a lot of money, staff, and time producing a YouTube video that explains how busy you are.  If you are successful, maybe your video will result in funding for a key grip librarian.  Or an editor.

Busy, Staying

Win sympathy from your library coworkers by telling them that you are too busy to keep up your blog.  This works best when it is communicated via your Facebook status updates.

Patrons, Photographing

Librarians who invite their patrons to participate in the American Library Association's "Show Us Your Library Card!" photo campaign should be aware that patrons who expect to be photographed and featured on the Internet may show up at your library nude or costumed.

Voice, Mailing your

A polite librarian should help library colleagues keep their overburdened inboxes clean by opting for long, rambling, hyper-detailed voice mail messages in lieu of email.

Books, Burning

Librarians should vehemently oppose book burnings... unless the books are Reader's Digest Condensed Books that have been donated as gifts for your library.

Bliss, Avoidance is

It is perfectly acceptable to take long, circuitous routes from point A to point B in your library so that you can pretend you didn't see the entire contents of the children's section dumped in the floor.

Affection, Public displays of

If you happen upon a couple engaged in sexual activity in the library, always allow them a few minutes to 'finish up' before escorting them from the premises.  This will also allow you, the librarian, some time to quickly assemble some suggested readings, including a collection of love poetry, the Kama Sutra, and an illustrated color atlas of sexually transmitted diseases.