Introductions, Making

An instruction librarian should walk around the classroom and greet each student individually with a handshake and personal introduction before he or she begins teaching.  This personal touch will make you seem charming to the students, and it will also help fill 30-45 minutes of your lecture time.

Books, Bland

If your library's Banned Books Week display is too racy for your patrons, consider adding a complementary display of Bland Books.

Ask the readers: What would be in your Bland Books display case?

Banned Books, Justifiably

As librarians celebrate intellectual freedom during Banned Books Week, it is important that they also celebrate their right to boldly and unapologetically ban terrible books from their library's shelves.  (Yes, I am talking about you, Harlequin Romance's Stories Set in the World of Nascar.)

Ask the readers: What books do you think should be banned from your library?

Banned Books, Displaying

Never trust a student worker to put together a library display of banned books.  If you do, you'll likely end up with a display of biographies about Lady Gaga and other band books.

Banned books, Showcasing

Librarians should celebrate Banned Books Week by showcasing all the really nasty, perverted sex books they buy for their libraries. You know, the raunchy, titillating ones.  With the photographs.

Ask the readers: What is the nastiest book in your library?

Punctuation, Using

Librarians should celebrate National Punctuation Day by giving all of their punctuation marks the day off

Survive, How to

The best way to make the case that your library is underfunded, understaffed, and overworked is to spend a lot of money, staff, and time producing a YouTube video that explains how busy you are.  If you are successful, maybe your video will result in funding for a key grip librarian.  Or an editor.