No, Just say (REVISITED)

A polite librarian should not allow patrons to puncture one another’s feet. Please update your library’s signs to reflect this change in policy.

Praise, Soliciting

Library workers should celebrate National Library Workers Day by subtly explaining to their patrons that today is  National Library Workers Day and that they should probably be grateful and wish their library worker a happy National Library Workers Day.

Endorsements, Celebrity

Librarians should celebrate National Library Week by recruiting celebrities to write op-ed pieces for their local newspapers, to film televised library public service announcements, and/or to star in pro-library YouTube videos. If you don’t have access to a celebrity, it is perfectly acceptable to dress up as one and do the promotion yourself.

Thank you, Saying

Nothing says, “Thanks for covering for me while I was away at a conference” to your library’s staff like a free Innovative Interfaces ink pen/highlighter combo that you pilfered from a vendor booth.

Ask the readers: Do you have a favorite vendor pen? Tell us about it in the comments below.

Colons, The appropriateness of

There is never an appropriate time to discuss your colonoscopy with your library patrons or coworkers. If they are interested, politely direct them to the public photo album you posted on Facebook.

Learning, Active

Instruction librarians should incorporate active learning strategies in their library instruction classrooms.  These are best received if they are somewhat dangerous.

Job descriptions, Going beyond

Librarians should never perform duties that fall outside their official job descriptions unless those duties might encourage patrons to go to the library more.