Austerity, Measuring

In tough economic times, librarians may cut book budgets, lay off staff, and reduce hours to make ends meet, but never purchase a lower grade of toilet tissue for your public restrooms lest you face a public uprising.

Staplers, Repairing

A polite librarian should never underestimate a patron’s ability to find new, creative ways to destroy the library’s staplers.

Ask the readers: Do you have a story of an exceptionally durable stapler, an epic repair job you performed, or a memorial to one that is no longer with us?  Please share in the comments below.

Apps, Cool library

Good librarians should abandon their books, web sites, blogs, and tweets in favor of the latest library co-opted  technology: “apps.” Start referring to all of your library's books, web sites, blogs, and tweets as “cool library apps” and they will suddenly be relevant again.

Ask the readers: What is your favorite library "app"?

No, Just say (REVISITED)

A polite librarian should not allow patrons to puncture one another’s feet. Please update your library’s signs to reflect this change in policy.

Praise, Soliciting

Library workers should celebrate National Library Workers Day by subtly explaining to their patrons that today is  National Library Workers Day and that they should probably be grateful and wish their library worker a happy National Library Workers Day.

Endorsements, Celebrity

Librarians should celebrate National Library Week by recruiting celebrities to write op-ed pieces for their local newspapers, to film televised library public service announcements, and/or to star in pro-library YouTube videos. If you don’t have access to a celebrity, it is perfectly acceptable to dress up as one and do the promotion yourself.

Thank you, Saying

Nothing says, “Thanks for covering for me while I was away at a conference” to your library’s staff like a free Innovative Interfaces ink pen/highlighter combo that you pilfered from a vendor booth.

Ask the readers: Do you have a favorite vendor pen? Tell us about it in the comments below.