Up, Cleaning

If someone vomits in a public area of your library, don’t trouble your janitorial staff to clean it up. Simply burn down the building and start from scratch with a new library.

Loyalty, Database

A librarian should never commit to one library database vendor/interface. Eventually that vendor will merge with someone else, leaving you with an outdated Wilson Web logo tattooed on your midriff.

Reference desk, Reinventing the

Libraries should abandon their stuffy old reference desks and seek more creative ways to reach their patrons. Who needs a reference desk when you can have roving librarians wearing “info vests,” riding a “biblio buggy,” or working from a “rolling reference ‘un-desk’”? (Can’t afford a biblio buggy, try the “biblio buggy lite.”)

Ask the readers: How would you reinvent the reference desk at your library?

Hats, Wearing

A polite librarian should never wear a hat at the reference desk... unless you plan to subtly make it an essential element of your reference interview technique.

Searching, Advanced

If students are growing tired of your default "global warming" search examples in the library instruction classroom, switch things up and demonstrate how you can use your refined search skills to stalk hot patrons using their library accounts and open Facebook profiles.

Web pages, Redesigning

A polite librarian should never report problems or make suggestions to his or her Webmaster about the library’s Web site. Instead, design and launch a rival library Web site that is infinitely better and see if you can steal away all the traffic from the original.

Ask the readers: Do you have a library Web site that needs to be challenged and put out of its misery? Share links in the comments below.

Glamorous, Being

A polite librarian should resist any attempts at glamor or fashion and refrain from wearing meat dresses at the reference desk. A cardigan covered with Greek yogurt and cat hair is adequately fashionable.