Loner, Being a

If you see librarianship described as a “job for loners,” it is your professional responsibility to quietly tweet your disagreement from your dimly lit acquisitions cubicle in the basement of the library.

Jobs, Searching for

Unemployed librarians should check the ALA JobLIST, The Chronicle of Higher Education, and state library associations' Web pages regularly for library employment opportunities. Never apply for a library job for which you are grossly underqualified unless you have powerful connections who can work miracles on your behalf.

Dress, Professional

A librarian should always dress professionally. Use this great Web tool to help you match your sandals to your cardigan.

Hashtags, Air

Librarians should pepper their face-to-face conversations with air hashtags (similar to air quotes) to simulate discourse in the online environment. Because the American Library Association has been completely silent -- hashtag FAIL -- on developing a standardized air hashtag for professional library discourse, individual librarians are left to choose between the static hand sign and slightly more dramatic hand gesture. Until the ALA makes a recommendation, librarians should choose one air hashtag method and use it consistently. Doing otherwise will make your library colleagues think you are uncivilized.

ALA, Not attending

If you are not able to attend the American Library Association’s Annual Conference, you may live vicariously through conference tweeters, webinar sessions, and conference synopses on library blogs. Also be sure to treat yourself to a virtual "exhibit hall" experience by wandering through your home library, stopping to have superficial conversations at your coworkers' desks, and then wildly shoving fistfuls of their office supplies into your tote bag.

Name tags, Decorating

It is never polite to ask library conference attendees what insecurities their excessive name tag ribbons are masking.

Marketing, Direct

Libraries shouldn’t waste time updating their Web sites, Facebook pages, and Twitter feeds. If you really want to reach your patrons with important information, write a letter to Dear Abby.

Ask the Readers: What do you want Dear Abby to tell your library patrons?