Cat, Adopting a library

Librarians should adopt library cats to live in the book stacks. Every library needs more self-obsessed,  neurotic individuals on the library payroll who like write blog posts and take naps in the stacks.

Vacation, Preparing for your

Librarians should always secure substitutes to cover their reference desk shifts before they leave for extended vacations. If your coworkers are unwilling to help you out, substitutes can be obtained commercially for roughly $125 (depending on your height).

Quotable, Being

Make your words more memorable in your library instruction classes by typing them onto photos of yourself and making them available for your students to share on Facebook. Here’s one to get you started.

Update: 6/28/12, 2:45 PM
More "library instruction via word pictures" are available on the LGTE's Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/polite.librarian

Loner, Being a

If you see librarianship described as a “job for loners,” it is your professional responsibility to quietly tweet your disagreement from your dimly lit acquisitions cubicle in the basement of the library.

Jobs, Searching for

Unemployed librarians should check the ALA JobLIST, The Chronicle of Higher Education, and state library associations' Web pages regularly for library employment opportunities. Never apply for a library job for which you are grossly underqualified unless you have powerful connections who can work miracles on your behalf.

Dress, Professional

A librarian should always dress professionally. Use this great Web tool to help you match your sandals to your cardigan.

Hashtags, Air

Librarians should pepper their face-to-face conversations with air hashtags (similar to air quotes) to simulate discourse in the online environment. Because the American Library Association has been completely silent -- hashtag FAIL -- on developing a standardized air hashtag for professional library discourse, individual librarians are left to choose between the static hand sign and slightly more dramatic hand gesture. Until the ALA makes a recommendation, librarians should choose one air hashtag method and use it consistently. Doing otherwise will make your library colleagues think you are uncivilized.