Awards, Being nominated for

It is time once again to post the annual “I Love My Librarian Award” call for nominations at your library. Then, just sit back and wait for the hunky UPS delivery man to nominate you. His nomination will be really tender, and he’ll describe how you inspired him to volunteer at the local adult literacy center. After you win, he’ll be the one to deliver your $5,000 cash award. You’ll treat him to a "thank you" cup of coffee in the library cafe, and offer an impromptu invitation for him to join you on your trip to the “I Love My Librarian” awards reception in New York. He'll accept, and the two of you will spend the weekend together in the hotel room... reading, cuddling, and watching Internet cat videos on your laptop. While he is in the shower, you’ll sneak a peek into his open suitcase. Hidden among his folded UPS uniforms, you will see that he keeps a poetry journal. Upon returning home, you will blog about your weekend’s adventures. A publisher will read about your steamy weekend of passion and suggest that you write a book. Your memoir, Fifty Shades of Brown, will be a New York Times bestseller, make millions of dollars, and allow you to tour the world at your publisher’s expense. The book will be selected for Oprah’s book club and made into a movie (with your part to be played by Cate Blanchett). You will move to Paris and learn to speak French.

The nomination deadline is September 12.

Resume, Building your

If you graduate with your Master’s degree in library science but can’t find work as a professional librarian (due to lack of experience), build yourself a miniature library, fill it with your unsold library school textbooks, and appoint yourself “director.”

Library lingo, Celebrating

Librarians should speak to their colleagues using highly specialized, technical language. Your masterful use of the library lexicon, using terms like, “EBSCO discovery service,” “MFHD,” and “the 856 field,” should send perplexed patrons and lay listeners rushing in search of a library and information science glossary in the 020s (DDC) or Z1006s (LCHS) of your reference monograph collection.

Ask the readers: Share some of your library’s professional lingo in the comments below.

Travel, Professional

Library webinars are supplements to (not substitutes for) travel to conferences and professional development workshops. Challenge your library director to stretch the “social boundaries of the online community with a live, off-line event” where you can network and learn with your colleagues.

Cat, Adopting a library

Librarians should adopt library cats to live in the book stacks. Every library needs more self-obsessed,  neurotic individuals on the library payroll who like write blog posts and take naps in the stacks.

Vacation, Preparing for your

Librarians should always secure substitutes to cover their reference desk shifts before they leave for extended vacations. If your coworkers are unwilling to help you out, substitutes can be obtained commercially for roughly $125 (depending on your height).

Quotable, Being

Make your words more memorable in your library instruction classes by typing them onto photos of yourself and making them available for your students to share on Facebook. Here’s one to get you started.

Update: 6/28/12, 2:45 PM
More "library instruction via word pictures" are available on the LGTE's Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/polite.librarian