Name-Calling, Stopping

In honor of No Name-Calling Week, librarians should refrain from calling their coworkers names. This positive action will help reduce the negative atmosphere perpetuated by all of the bullies, liars, jerks, perverts, weirdos, geeks, and name-callers who work at your library.

Ask the readers: What names will you stop calling your library coworkers for No Name-Calling Week?

Sweater vests, Politicizing

The American Library Association's Office for Intellectual Freedom is organizing Sweater Vest Sunday at the Midwinter meeting to raise awareness about challenges to intellectual freedom. Conference attendees are encouraged to wear sweater vests to champion citizens' freedom to read. If you do not have a sweater vest, it is perfectly acceptable to fashion one by ripping neck and arm holes into a conference tote bag.

Sex, Encouraging library-

Librarians should encourage their patrons to have sex in the library. Any additional housekeeping costs can be paid for with the advertising revenues you get from the live stream to your library’s security cameras.

Bite, Letting the bedbugs

The best way to keep your library from becoming infested with bedbugs is to burn the building to the ground and invest all the insurance money into your e-book collection.

Pics, LibGuides Profile

When constructing a LibGuides profile page, librarians should budget at least one hour for snapping an adequately flattering arm’s-length self-portrait profile picture with a mobile phone camera. If this hour proves fruitless, just use a picture of your cat.

Ask the Readers: Do you like your LibGuides profile pic? If so, share a link in the comments below.

Unpopular policies, Introducing

When introducing unpopular changes in library services, do so with intentionally bad grammar and spelling. Your library’s patrons will be so infuriated and distracted by the mistakes in the sign reading, “Their will now be a $5 fee for you’re use of the libraries staplers,” they won’t protest the policy itself.

Costumes, Library-friendly Halloween

A cheap Halloween costume idea for librarians is to come to work wearing the uniform from your second job at Starbucks, McDonalds, or Lady Foot Locker.