Clothing, Matching your coworkers'

If you and another library colleague arrive at work wearing remarkably similar outfits, you both automatically qualify for a one-time $500 wardrobe bonus and a paid "shopping day."

Editor's note: To claim this offer, just print this page and give it to your immediate library supervisor.

Leave, Returning from

Nothing says "Welcome back from your extended leave of absence!" like finding your desk covered with months of unopened library mail, an inbox filled with 8,013 unread emails, and Gary the intern drinking from your Crazy Cat Lady mug.

Earth, Saving the

Librarians should celebrate Earth Day by unplugging their libraries' electric staplers.

Bookmobiles, Celebrating

Librarians should celebrate National Bookmobile Day by going for a joyride in the library's bookmobile. If your library doesn't own a bookmobile, go for a joyride through the reference room on a fully loaded book cart.

Work, Celebrating library

Library workers should celebrate National Library Workers Day by taking the day off and watching all three The Librarian movies in one sitting.

Ask the Readers: Which of The Librarian movies most represents your experience working in a library: The Quest for the Spear, Return to King Solomon's Mines, or Curse of the Judas Chalice?

Viral, Going

If your library has not produced a [insert meme] video/photo within three days of its inception, you are doing the the profession and the Internet-at-large a disservice.

Readers' advisory, True crime

Always assume that reference desk patrons who inquire about books on serial killers are themselves potential serial killers; spray them in the eyes with mace or pepper spray.