Faculty status, Librarians with

The question of faculty status for academic librarians is an issue that elicits passionate debate from people on both sides of the issue. Some academic librarians are considered faculty and have all the rights and responsibilities that such a title entails. Others are called faculty, but are really just academic support staff with glorified titles. Most, however, are somewhere in between and are responsible for things that fit into both categories:

• staff: working at service desks, cataloging and automation, collection development, etc.
• faculty: teaching and instruction, research and publication, service and committees, etc.

Not sure where you fall into this landscape of muddled job classification, professionalism, and self-identity? Lack of controlled vocabulary strikes again!

Online catalog, Lamenting your

All librarians should have a love/hate relationship with their online catalog. For all the time and effort librarians put into maintaining their online catalogs, you might think the interfaces would be a lot more user-friendly. (How often does Amazon.com have to do training sessions on "Finding Books"?) The only real course of action is for librarians to lament the sorry state of their catalogs' interfaces to one another -- informally, in meetings, at conferences, with users' groups, and on listservs. In the meantime, just be sure you keep paying your catalog vendors outrageous fees for their substandard products.

White cafe mocha, Deserving an expensive

Some everyday events justify treating oneself to an expensive white cafe mocha from the library's coffee shop. Some examples are listed below:

Celebrating with a white cafe mocha

• Acing a particularly difficult reference question
• All your colleagues leave for a library conference, and you have run of the place in their absence
• Getting through a day with no email from any of your upline supervisors

Earning a white cafe mocha

• Having to endure more than two meetings and/or instruction sessions in the same day
• Sitting through a particularly long or annoying meeting
• Having to perform staff evaluations

Other ways to justify a white cafe mocha

• Thirst
• Too much cash in wallet
• Librarian's Guide to Etiquette mug is empty
  

Coots @ your library, Crazy old

Beware of crazy old men carrying briefcases. They usually have "special research projects" that they want to share with you. This might include rehashing tedious details of geneaology research, finding a mailing address for a hand-written tech-support letter to Gateway, shopping for replacement cane tips (that "aren't shit!"), and pulling seemingly random items out of library storage. Crazy old coots may or may not have excessive nose and ear hair, very loud voices, and a propensity to touch you on the shoulder and back. If you see one coming... run away.

Technical issues, Overexplaining

When patrons complain about dead links on your library's web site, out-of-service databases, or a disabled online catalog, help them understand what's going on by explaining the technical problems in excruciating detail. Patrons really care about the javascript code running behind your library's web site and what kind of server your link resolver is running on. Really, nothing dissolves patrons' frustrations like dense, technical, jargon-filled hypothetical explanations of your library catalog's problems. When you're finished rambling, refer patrons to an online form to report the problem and tell them to "check back" to see when it's up and running again.

Wares, Hawking

Shamelessly self-promote your library blog by setting up an online store to sell your homemade wares.

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