Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Co-Workers, On ways to annoy the annoying ones
After compiling a mental list of annoying co-workers, find out what irks the living daylights out of each one and then proceed to do that thing. Do it as often and obnoxiously as possible. Do it every day. Don't just do it, amuse yourself by thinking of doing it again. Do it for yourself. Do it for librarianship. Do it for the kid who was born without an immune system. Do it for your country. Do it for me!
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And also, while you're doing the thing to annoy the co-worker(s) the most, try to hum something incessantly like: "Whistle while you work", "Sound of Music" highlights or Britney Spears' "Gimme Gimme"
Better still, secretly train your annoying co-worker's manager to do those oh-so-irritating things.
For more fun ideas, check out Jim's methods of torturing Dwight on The Office. Office supplies in jell-o, always a favorite. Making friends with the vending machine guy and putting your most annoying co-workers items into the vending machine - also great.
One of my colleagues hates that I refer to paraprofessionals as librarians in front of students. I like to do it because it annoys her and because nobody cares.
A few of my co-workers insist on refering to themselves as 'libarians'. One of them goes so far as to refer to herself as being the 'campus libarian' on her voicemail.
The old tubular chairs used to be excellent for this. We'd remove a stopper and insert three or four small ball-bearings and a handful of sharp sand. On restoring the stopper we'd then give the chair three or four turns to distribute the foreign bodies suitably. Each time the co-worker moved their chair there would be a small, irregular, metallic scraping sound. Small, unexplained noises are the most troubling.
Replacing the ball in a mouse with a very slightly smaller ball bearing. To the untutored eye it looks like it should work properly but doesn't.
Get some tattle tape from the library's processing department, cut it into smallish pieces, attach a piece to a quarter, and drop the quarter near your annoying coworker's desk so they won't miss it. Be sure to be standing near the exit at quitting time so you can witness the looks of embarassment/frustration/anger on your colleague's face.
Tattle tape pieces under the collar at the back of the neck of a jacket or coat works wonders, too.
Musical greeting cards can be dismantled. Put the music button behind a ceiling tile in your annoying co-workers office. If they ask, no, you don't hear any music....
I think someone in our office has figured out this trick and is using it on me...he is the most ANNOYING person ever! Argh!
And don't forget to test all the "noise" buttons in your toddlers' books at least twenty times each before accepting that the books are OK.
And five minutes later do it again, just to be on the safe side.
Do something different every week. Take their coffee cup on Friday, fill the bottom with about an inch of old coffee, and sit it on a back shelf for the weekend. Next week take their water bottle and set it on the floor. Take their snack they have innocently left on their desk home with you.
One time I was so angry with a bullying co-worker I brought in a pair of scissors, and cut a nice big slit up the seam of a very expensive jacket hanging on the back of bully's chair. Smiled all the way home.
9:39am Anon: You are AWESOME!
As for the tattle tape...i think that can certainly be arranged for Bleh.
I'm an obsessive foodie so I prefer talking about food to coworkers till they are whimpering; and ready to gnaw on their leg. This technique works amazingly well approximately 45 minutes before lunch time.
bon appetit!
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