Leave, Returning from

Nothing says "Welcome back from your extended leave of absence!" like finding your desk covered with months of unopened library mail, an inbox filled with 8,013 unread emails, and Gary the intern drinking from your Crazy Cat Lady mug.

Better, Feeling

Upon returning from sick leave, polite librarians should always share graphic descriptions of their ailments with their library coworkers. Always assume that a simple, "How are you feeling?" is actually a request to hear about the consistency of your vomit, see your surgical scars, and/or feel the texture of your rash.

Sick, Calling in

Take time during your sick day to call your library and ask for yourself using a fake voice. This will not only remind your coworkers that you are ill and deserving of their pity, but it will also make them think that you are in high demand.

Sick, Being

Sick days are for the weak. Drag yourself into the library despite any contagious colds, stomach viruses, or flesh eating diseases you may have. As an important information professional, you owe it to your library to be there barring an amputation, decapitation, or death.

Your colleagues and patrons will be so thankful that you came in to save the library that they'll hardly notice the reference desk telephone, public photocopier, and various doorknobs you've contaminated with your sneezes, coughs, and other secretions.