Hashtags, Air

Librarians should pepper their face-to-face conversations with air hashtags (similar to air quotes) to simulate discourse in the online environment. Because the American Library Association has been completely silent -- hashtag FAIL -- on developing a standardized air hashtag for professional library discourse, individual librarians are left to choose between the static hand sign and slightly more dramatic hand gesture. Until the ALA makes a recommendation, librarians should choose one air hashtag method and use it consistently. Doing otherwise will make your library colleagues think you are uncivilized.

ALA, Not attending

If you are not able to attend the American Library Association’s Annual Conference, you may live vicariously through conference tweeters, webinar sessions, and conference synopses on library blogs. Also be sure to treat yourself to a virtual "exhibit hall" experience by wandering through your home library, stopping to have superficial conversations at your coworkers' desks, and then wildly shoving fistfuls of their office supplies into your tote bag.

Name tags, Decorating

It is never polite to ask library conference attendees what insecurities their excessive name tag ribbons are masking.

Connections, Making

As you are flying to New Orleans for ALA, be sure to acknowledge your library-brethren/sistren -- the flight attendants. Like you, these kindred spirits teach in small, confined spaces; they express an obvious boredom with teaching the same lesson over and over again; and their lessons are directed to patrons who blatantly ignore them.

For those of you who are not flying to New Orleans, express your camaraderie by handing out packets of peanuts to the students in your library classes.

Gamy, Smelling

Celebrate the American Library Association's National Gaming Day by spending an entire day playing Minesweeper, Solitaire, or Call of Duty: Black Ops on your office computer.  If your library doesn't endorse the rather obvious arcade-library connection, you can always celebrate by playing mind games with your colleagues and patrons instead.

Ask the Readers: How will you celebrate National Gaming Day @ your library?

Conferences, Returning from

Upon returning from a professional library conference, your post-conference report should include more than a list of restaurants you visited and a random collection of vendor brochures.  Also leave out the part about waking up in an alley nine days after the conference officially ended.

Conference, Putting the "er" in

A good librarian will go to library conferences and sit through mind-numbing presentations made by other librarians.  Repeat this mind-numbing ritual over and over again for three solid days, and you will be mentally ready to go back to your job at the library.

Editor's note: Your esteemed editor will be taking a break from the blog to attend the Annual Conference of the American Library Association in Washington, DC.  In the meantime, you can follow your colleagues' notable breaches of library etiquette via Twitter at: http://twitter.com/politelibrarian.

Booktruck dance teams, Avoiding

Never agree to be on a library committee without first reading its charge.  Sometimes an innocuous sounding group, like the "Collection Assessment Revisioning Team," turns out to be the code name for your library's secret book cart dance troupe. And, yes, costumes are mandatory.

ALA, Going to

Don't feel guilty about spending your library's money to travel to ALA. It is the one time of year when your colleagues and staff actually get to enjoy the peace and tranquility of the library without you in it. Everyone will agree that that is money well spent.

ALA Annual Conference, How to pack for the

Before heading off to the American Library Association Annual Conference in Anaheim, be sure to pack the following items:

• Your favorite library-themed t-shirt

• Your laptop (for live blogging the Distance Learning Interest Group's business meeting)

• Your knitting (for times when you're not live blogging)

• An extra empty suitcase (for all that vendor swag)

• A bottle of your favorite liquor (for the "Web 2.0" drinking game)