Instruction, Singing

Library instruction for first-year college students should be participatory and engaging. If you worry that students won't understand your technical terms and language, make your lesson more palatable by setting it to music.

Videos, Teaching with

Librarians should leave it to professionals to produce their library instructional videos. No one wants to watch your homemade, narrated web casts of EBSCO's Academic Search Complete when better quality productions are available online.

Aww, Things that make you say

A new Japanese study suggests that viewing photos of cute animals at work may boost productivity. In light of this information, librarians should begin every library committee meeting, instruction class, and reference interview with a ten-minute slideshow of your favorite kitten pics.

Quotable, Being

Make your words more memorable in your library instruction classes by typing them onto photos of yourself and making them available for your students to share on Facebook. Here’s one to get you started.

Update: 6/28/12, 2:45 PM
More "library instruction via word pictures" are available on the LGTE's Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/polite.librarian

Searching, Advanced

If students are growing tired of your default "global warming" search examples in the library instruction classroom, switch things up and demonstrate how you can use your refined search skills to stalk hot patrons using their library accounts and open Facebook profiles.

Learning, Active

Instruction librarians should incorporate active learning strategies in their library instruction classrooms.  These are best received if they are somewhat dangerous.

Popular, Being

Librarians should make pop culture references in library instruction classes to connect with younger audiences.  Today's youth are all about the Lady Gogga, Justin Bibber, and New Jersey Shore, so pretend that you are too.

World, Saving the

Some day a college freshman will write a three-page composition paper in which he or she will finally solve the global warming problem. When this day comes, you -- the librarian -- can hold your head high knowing that you helped him or her find the two sources they were forced to cite in their groundbreaking work.

Introductions, Making

An instruction librarian should walk around the classroom and greet each student individually with a handshake and personal introduction before he or she begins teaching.  This personal touch will make you seem charming to the students, and it will also help fill 30-45 minutes of your lecture time.

Ratios, Librarian to student

A librarian should never teach a class of twenty-five students to do research.  It is much more rewarding to teach them individually, one hour each, twenty-five separate times at the reference desk.

Online instruction, Mastering

If you are going to record your library instruction lectures and post them on YouTube, at least spice things up by doing the videos topless.  It won't make your talk any more intelligible, but it'll hold your students' interest and increase your video's view count.

Classrooms, Organic

Teaching librarians who don't like to do lesson planning should elect to let their classes sessions "grow organically." This can be done by arranging your students into rows, turning on a heated projector lamp, and feeding them some shit that you make up on the fly. If the students begin to wilt, allow them to take a water break, and then re-fertilize.

Teaching, Mastering the art of

If students are not falling asleep during your library instruction classes, you are not doing it right. Lower the lights, turn up the heat, and consider getting a mentor to coach you through the intricacies of mass sedation.

Games, Playing

Librarians can improve their library instruction classes by adopting a game-show format.  Use a long microphone, have a leggy model point to the projected image of your computer screen, and give away fabulous prizes like an all-expenses paid trip to Boredom Island.

Candy, Throwing

Throwing candy to students as an incentive for participating in your library instruction classes gives you, the librarian, an opportunity to showcase not only your library catalog, databases, and facility, but also your glaring lack of athletic ability.

Instruction, Rehearsing

Always rehearse your search demonstrations before you go into a classroom so as to avoid stumbling upon any of the nuances and idiosyncrasies that your patrons will actually encounter once they begin their own research.  Taking the time to prepare can spare you the excruciating experience of explaining all the different ways your link resolver sucks.

Zombies, Fighting

If your library is invaded by zombies, a librarian should invite them all into the classroom and bore them to death with a lecture about scholarly versus popular periodicals.

Management, Classroom

A librarian should begin each library instruction class by plucking headphones from students' ears, confiscating cell phones, and searching all bookbags for contraband food.  If there is any time remaining, show them all how to become fans of the library's new Facebook page.

Instruction, Planning for

The more time a librarian spends preparing for a library instruction session, the more disappointed that librarian will be when it doesn't go as well as expected. Spare yourself the time, energy, and frustration by following this lesson plan:  

1. Show up for class ten minutes late.
2. Muddle through a database search on "global warming" (no matter what class it's for).
3. Deride the class for being "a bunch of damn do-nothing millennials."

Dismiss class by abruptly walking out and slamming the door behind you for dramatic effect.

Comedian, Being an amatuer

Instruction librarians should use well-rehearsed library jokes, one-liners, and puns in an attempt to lighten the tone of their library lectures.  Just remember that you are only funny in relation to the dryness of your lesson, and your students still think you're a dweeb even if they do laugh at your recycled jokes.

Ask the readers: What comedic gems do you use re-use in your library lectures?