Anonymity, Taking advantage of

When January comes and your annual evaluation looms, pad your accomplishments by taking credit for someone else's work. Take advantage of the anonymous nature of blogs and claim to be the author of one of your favorites. "J?! ...of the Librarian's Guide to Etiquette?! Oh sure, of course that's me."

Dumb reference questions, On repeating stories about to friends

It is perfectly acceptable to repeat really dumb reference questions to friends, co-workers and family even if the person of whom you're making a mockery finds out about it. Mock the person by repeating the offending question in a silly childish voice and make outrageous facial gestures. This practice of repeating ridiculous questions should be considered a form of library instruction since it will yield generous rewards later when you notice a huge drop-off in asinine queries.

Instruction, Library

There is a reason your library instruction classes stare at you lifelessly: you are boring and so is the topic you're covering.

Groups, Labeling your

A work group is not the same thing as a task force, and a task force is not a committee. Is your department really just an office? Are you a member of a unit or a team? Is your subcommittee really ad hoc?

Confused? Well maybe you need an ad hoc Labeling Task Force to clear things up. Ah, the beauty of controlled vocabulary.

Rhetorical questions, Answering

Are you the type of librarian who answers rhetorical questions?

Base, On not touching

Using the phrase "Let's touch base" is grounds for getting a swift kick in the nads.

Interviews, Walking out of

If you are a candidate for a librarian position and someone from the search committee asks, "If you were a garden tool, what kind of garden tool would you be? And why?" ... it is perfectly acceptable for you get up and walk out of the interview without saying another word.

Overdue books, Back-dating librarians'

Librarians should not make other librarians pay fines for overdue library items. There have got to be some perks with this job. If a librarian returns an overdue book to you, don't make them ask, just do them the courtesy of back-dating the returned item so they won't receive a bill. ...Unless the librarian is a jerk, and then you should really stick it to 'em!