Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Greetings, Season's

During the holidays, librarians should take precautions to avoid offending their patrons and coworkers with politically incorrect season's greetings.  It is best to avoid anything that could be considered even remotely religious ("Merry Christmas!"  "Happy Hanukkah!) and any politically-charged, potentially inflammatory generic substitutes ("Happy holiday!" "Season's greetings!").  The safest bet is to hide under the reference desk and avoid human contact until January.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Signs, Making readable

When creating signs for their patrons, librarians should be mindful to avoid library jargon.  You can also make a more deliberate attempt to speak your patrons' language by intentionally inserting grammatical mistakes, spelling errors, and unnecessary punctuation on your BROKE printers, out of order ELEVATOR'S, and KEEP AT "REF DESK" scissors. 

Ask the readers: What poorly written signs are hanging in your library?

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Sweaters, Holiday

A good librarian should have enough appliqued holiday sweaters so that he or she can wear a different one each day from Thanksgiving to Christmas.  If you wear the same Rudolph sweater over and over, you may inadvertently subject your library coworkers to the condition known as festive fleece fatigue.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Pens, Chewing on

If your fellow librarians chew on all the pens and pencils at the library's reference desk, it may be necessary for you to intervene.  The pencil is a gateway drug that can lead to the more costly chewing of keyboards, staplers, and chair cushions.