Promotion, The Catch 22 of Librarians and

The better you get at being a librarian, the more you get promoted. The more you get promoted, the less real library work you get to do.

Are you good with the public? We'll stick you in an office and let you crunch numbers.

Are you good at cataloging? We'll let you manage people with difficult personalities.

Are you a good researcher? We'll let you draft strategic goals and other management rubbish.

Lesson: don't let anyone know you're good at what you do.

J

Bore, Risk of becoming a

Librarians should take every opportunity to stop being librarians when they leave the library. Those who eat, drink, and sleep librarianship run the risk of becoming bores. Is this you?!

Warning signs:

• You have professional library journals and newsletters mailed to your home address.
• You read the Chronicle of Higher Education for something other than job ads.
• Your personal email address makes a cute reference to something library related (ex: dewey009@whatever.com).
• You own the VHS or DVD of Party Girl.
• You have convinced yourself that you like the song "Marian the Librarian."

Some suggested remedies:

• Learn to play an obscure instrument (accordion, banjo, etc.)
  
• Take a class in a subject about which you know nothing.
• Get a subscription to a fluff magazine.
• Listen to the radio (NPR doesn't count) and watch bad TV.

Generally speaking, pop culture is good for the soul. Plus, it makes you much more tolerable and less "pervy" to the rest of the world. If all else fails, just quit your job.

J

Bow ties, Wearing

Bow ties can be very cool (seriously), but there are three general rules to keep in mind:

1. No clip-ons or fake bow ties. Learn to tie it, or abandon the idea.
2. Keep it small. Big bow ties are not cool.
3. Wear them sparingly lest you become the "bow tie guy."

And for God's sake, don't be the bow tie guy AND the pun guy. You will be truly insufferable.

J

Puns, Intending

Puns should used in moderation. You do not want to become "the pun guy."

J

Buzzword Bingo, Creating your own game of

Buzzword Bingo is a game you can play in your next meeting. Make a bingo card and in each block list a buzzword. When someone uses a buzzword, mark it off your card. When you get five in a row, yell out "BINGO!" and you win.

Some examples of buzzwords from recent library meetings:

paradigm
thinking outside the box
brainstorm
utilize (used incorrectly)
content management system (CMS)
link resolver
integrated library system (ILS)
open-access
federated searching
googlization
portal

Enjoy!
J

Monograph, On calling a book a

If you want to sound like a library scientist, use the word monograph instead of the word book. The word book is very pedestrian, and shows little understanding of the complexities of our great profession.

J