Halloween, Dressing up for

The best costume for your library’s Halloween party is one that requires a lot of explanation (e.g., minor characters from Star Trek). Also, be aware that even if you do choose a sexy costume over a scary one, your coworkers will still most likely be frightened.

Books, P-

When speaking with patrons and colleagues about books, librarians should distinguish between print books and electronic books by using the shortened phrases: p-books and e-books. P-books may also be referred to as:

• old-fashioned books
• real books
• printed e-books
• off-line resources
• those things they sell in bookstores

Support Staff, Naming

The perception of a librarian/staff divide can be a sensitive issue for many who work in libraries. Library adminstrators should be aware of this, and thus name their staff something that says, "We value you and the work you do." Some examples:

• Nonprofessionals (or similarly: Unprofessionals)
• Library Helpers
• Information Custodians
• The Others
• "Librarians"

Birthday, Broadcasting your

Start reminding your coworkers about your upcoming birthday weeks in advance. It is your responsibility to make sure they have time to collect enough money to buy you that 2GB iPod nano you've been wanting.

Suggestions, Making

A librarian should use the library's suggestion box to anonymously suggest unpopular (and/or expensive) ideas that he or she secretly endorses.

• "Get new/better signage."
• "Get rid of that ghastly art work in the reading room!"
• "Restock the white chocolate Reese's Cups in the vending machine!"
• "Buy more black, urban, lesbian erotica!"
• "Forget the coffee shop... I'd like to see a pub!"

Ideas like these often get more traction if they come from the library's users and not from self-interested librarians. It also helps to sign the anonymous suggestion with the initials of the library director's supervisor.

Words, Making up

Librarians are often riveting conversationalists because of their overuse of acronyms and library jargon. Another powerful, yet often overlooked, professional conversation tool is that of the made-up word. The trick is to take a normal word and add a suffix or two to it.

An example: find + able + ity = findability.

Can you find this word in a dictionary? No, it has no findability.

[Note: The editors invite their loyal readers to post their own made-up words in the comments section below.]