Tooth-brushing, Workplace-

While good hygiene is important for any librarian, one should not go overboard. Do not engage in workplace-tooth-brushing unless you...

• Are about to leave work to go to the dentist
• Receive anonymous emails complaining about your breath
• Spent the night alone in the library, drinking in your office
  
• Are preparing to make out with a custodian in the broom closet
• Did something really perverted with your mouth

Otherwise, eat a mint or chew some gum like everyone else.

Phone, Answering the

There are a few simple rules to follow when answering a telephone on behalf of your library...

1. Always answer with a long, detailed greeting including your name, title, rank, department, and the name of your library. (This is especially helpful with internal calls.)
2. Read from an institutionally assigned script.
   
3. Never answer with just a last name: "Stabler." It works for t.v. detectives; not librarians.
   
4. Mumble.
5. Never, under any circumstances, answer with a simple, "Hello?"
   

If these rules are too stressful, just let the phone call ring through to voice mail. You can always email a reply and avoid speaking to another live human being.

Rejected, Being

After interviewing for a library job, it is customary to send thank you notes to the individual search committee members. If you suspect that there's a chance you won't get the job and you plan to send a follow-up voodoo death curse, be sure to collect a strand of hair from each of the committee members during the interview.