Reminders, Giving your coworkers friendly

Help your coworkers do their jobs by reminding them to check their email, check their voicemail, or to check their mailbox after sending them something you deem important.

If you work with people who really DO need to be reminded of these everyday things, you should also remind them to breathe (so they don't suffocate), eat (so they don't starve), and blink (so their eyes don't get too dry).

Left-handedness, Passive-aggressive

If you are a left-handed librarian, make it your standard practice to rearrange the reference desk's keyboard, mouse, and phone at the start of your shift, and then leave it to be put back to normal by the right-handed person who relieves you.

Shitting your pants, The appropriateness of

The availability of free online books from Google makes it absolutely appropriate for librarians to shit their pants.

http://www.print.google.com/

Seriously. Quit your job. Move to the woods. Learn to live off the land.