Lunch break, Strategically timing your

Never take your lunch break before your boss does. Wait ten minutes after the boss leaves before you take your own break. This allows you the opportunity to take a long lunch without the boss knowing when you actually left. This is also known as "the oldest trick in the book."

Note: Complications arise when your boss is using the oldest trick in the book with his/her boss. Depending on how many upline supervisors you have, it could be 3 or 4 in the afternoon before you get to eat lunch.

Thumb tacks, On placing on the seat of your least favorite co-worker

Do it!!! DO IT!!!!!

Elitist, Being

You are a librarian. Hold this over the heads of your support staff and constantly remind them of the social stratification within the library work place. Don't do tasks that are beneath your level. Be sure to have exclusive, closed-door librarian meetings. Always keep your day-to-day tasks and responsibilities shrouded in mystery. You aren't a good librarian unless people wonder what you do all day.

Besides, if the staff don't think you're important, who else will?

Ties, Wearing

Don't wear a tie to work. Your coworkers will make fun of you. And you will deserve it.

Alcohol, Drinking while on the job

It's ok to abuse alcohol if it means that your personality will be more tolerable to your co-workers and to the library patrons. Special attention should be given to the masking of routine signs of alcohol abuse such as slurred speech, releasing of strong alcoholic odor on the breath, falling down flights of stairs, and the grabbing of someone's ass. If your boss happens to be a lush, then inviting him/her to one of your daily lunch hour binges might not be such a bad idea. Members of the Good Ol' Boy Network don't have an unfair advantage in the job market because they kept their teetotaler asses tucked away quietly in a corner avoiding eye contact with the boss.

Water words, Using

Always make sure everyone knows how very busy you are. Repetition is key. I'm busy. Oh, so busy. One way to really drive home the point is by using water words to describe how busy you are:

• I'm swamped
• I'm drowning
• I'm barely able to keep my head above water
• I'm barely able to tread water
  
• I'm flooded
• I'm in over my head
• I'm sinking

I'd list more examples, but I'm too bogged down to spend any more time on this post.