Hats, Wearing

A polite librarian should never wear a hat at the reference desk... unless you plan to subtly make it an essential element of your reference interview technique.

Searching, Advanced

If students are growing tired of your default "global warming" search examples in the library instruction classroom, switch things up and demonstrate how you can use your refined search skills to stalk hot patrons using their library accounts and open Facebook profiles.

Web pages, Redesigning

A polite librarian should never report problems or make suggestions to his or her Webmaster about the library’s Web site. Instead, design and launch a rival library Web site that is infinitely better and see if you can steal away all the traffic from the original.

Ask the readers: Do you have a library Web site that needs to be challenged and put out of its misery? Share links in the comments below.

Glamorous, Being

A polite librarian should resist any attempts at glamor or fashion and refrain from wearing meat dresses at the reference desk. A cardigan covered with Greek yogurt and cat hair is adequately fashionable.

Austerity, Measuring

In tough economic times, librarians may cut book budgets, lay off staff, and reduce hours to make ends meet, but never purchase a lower grade of toilet tissue for your public restrooms lest you face a public uprising.

Staplers, Repairing

A polite librarian should never underestimate a patron’s ability to find new, creative ways to destroy the library’s staplers.

Ask the readers: Do you have a story of an exceptionally durable stapler, an epic repair job you performed, or a memorial to one that is no longer with us?  Please share in the comments below.

Apps, Cool library

Good librarians should abandon their books, web sites, blogs, and tweets in favor of the latest library co-opted  technology: “apps.” Start referring to all of your library's books, web sites, blogs, and tweets as “cool library apps” and they will suddenly be relevant again.

Ask the readers: What is your favorite library "app"?