Up, Cleaning

If someone vomits in a public area of your library, don’t trouble your janitorial staff to clean it up. Simply burn down the building and start from scratch with a new library.

Better, Feeling

Upon returning from sick leave, polite librarians should always share graphic descriptions of their ailments with their library coworkers. Always assume that a simple, "How are you feeling?" is actually a request to hear about the consistency of your vomit, see your surgical scars, and/or feel the texture of your rash.

Obsessive-compulsive, Being

If you are going to be an obsessive-compulsive librarian, at least try to be good at your job. Excessive incompetence isn't good for anyone.

Bowels, Your

Don't be the librarian who continuously discusses your Crohn's Disease, irritable bowel syndrome, and chronic diarrhea with your library coworkers. Keep that shit to yourself.

Infections, Resisting

Librarians should disinfect public workstations and telephones after each use to avoid the spread of MRSA and other staph infections.

Recognize, however, that no amount of Lysol can remove your library's staff infection.

Coworkers, Diagnosing the mental health of your

With your idle time at the reference desk, use the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders to analyze the mental health of your library coworkers. They're all in there somewhere. (And so are you.)

Ask the readers: Is there a prevalence of one particular mental disorder at your library? (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? Asperger's? Borderline Personality Disorder?) Let us know in the comments section below.

Sick, Being

Sick days are for the weak. Drag yourself into the library despite any contagious colds, stomach viruses, or flesh eating diseases you may have. As an important information professional, you owe it to your library to be there barring an amputation, decapitation, or death.

Your colleagues and patrons will be so thankful that you came in to save the library that they'll hardly notice the reference desk telephone, public photocopier, and various doorknobs you've contaminated with your sneezes, coughs, and other secretions.