Books, Smelling

Never let your library patrons know that the romanticized "book smell" they love so much is actually just a mixture of burned popcorn from the staff microwave, carpet mildew from the children's section, and sweaty teenagers making out in the stairway.

Odor, On dealing with the pungent stench of the guy sitting next to you

If your co-worker has a conscientious objection to using soap and water to wash him/herself and the odor makes you dizzy and suicidal, solve the problem by going down to the pharmacy and buying the strongest air-freshening product available. For added visual humor, buy one of those royal pine scented Car-Freshners and hang it near the offending stench factory.

Reference Interview, The

Part of being a good reference librarian is being able to understand what patrons mean when they ask their questions. Often, the patron doesn't express their information need in a clear and concise manner... thus the need for a reference interview.

For example: A patron may ask, "What languages did the Vikings speak?" In his mind, he has communicated what he thinks is a clear information need. The librarian, however, can interpret his real information need to be, "How can I tell if I'm wearing too much cologne?"

The librarian's mission is now two-fold: a) find languages spoken by Vikings and b) let this guy know he is burning the hairs out of your nose. The first part is easy. The second may require some finesse. Be a good librarian and cough, gag, put your hand over your nose, or ask him to wait outside while you search for his answer. If he doesn't get the hint, light a match and see if he bursts into flames.

Fragrances, Wearing

Make yourself more attractive to patrons, coworkers, and potential mates by regularly dousing yourself with cologne or perfume. Nothing hides the unpleasant olfactory combination of musty books and coffee breath like a splash of your favorite bottled fragrance.

Food, Stinking up the whole damn library with your

Occasionally you may need to eat lunch in your office. Close your door so the smell doesn't choke everyone in the library. And PLEASE... take your leftovers, food wrappers, and other smelly trash to an outdoor trash can. There is no reason anyone else in the library should have to smell your microwavable corndogs, Lean Cuisine linguine, or leftover fried fish.

And don't pop microwave popcorn unless you make enough for everyone. Mmm, popcorn smells so good.